I have been thinking what to write about next. I was watching The Voice last night and Nate Reuss opened the show with a song “I am nothing without love” The first line of the song says, ” I am nothing without love, I’m but a ship stuck in the sand. Some would say I am all alone, but I am, I’m nothing without love.” Man, those lyrics ring so true to me right now. I have been completely over whelmed the past 6 weeks and not so much with my cancer but with everybody’s response to me. I really can’t believe how supportive, giving and most of all, how loving everybody has been. I get a lot of feedback about how positive I am or how “well” I am dealing with this, but honestly I couldn’t and wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for you all cheering and loving me on! It never fails, I could be having a down moment and bam, I get a response from someone who just blows me out of the water, melts my heart or something that instantly puts a smile on my face.
It’s very hard to write this next statement because I hate my cancer but sometimes I am a little thankful for it. I have been able to experience things, actually experience a kind of love that I never would have been able to otherwise. Old broken friendships have been renewed due to this. Current friendships have been strengthened. I have made some new awesome friends. I treasure all of this. There are people praying for Nate, myself and my unborn baby, all over the world- really!! I have people who don’t even know me that care enough to pray for me and my family- how humbling is that? It bring me tears how lucky I am to have that, to experience that. I had my first chemo 5 days ago and so far it’s been tolerable. I really thinks it been so tolerable due to all my prayer warriors out there- thank you!
I want to say a special thank you to a few people… first of course my husband Nathan. I am at a loss for words to describe how wonderful you have been. I know it’s not easy to have a pregnant wife, never mind a pregnant wife with cancer. Your love and support have been my pillar and unfailing. I feel like I am now the size of two people (and growing), I have a terrible haircut and am about to go bald, I have lost part of my femininity yet, you still look at me with the same love in your eyes. If not more. You continue to love me even though I am not myself right now. That is true love. I am the luckiest wife to have you as a husband and I just want you to know that I love you too and thank you. I also want to thank my family. Of course as timing has it, the week before I got diagnosed Nate and I took our kitchen and dining room down to studs. We have been without a kitchen for weeks now. My family has and are working extra hard to help put everything back together. It’s been like an HGTV show here with people working around the clock to get this renovation done. We couldn’t have done all this with out your help. I know it’s not done yet so thank you in advance for everything your going to do too! And my extended family, thank you for checking in with us regularly, sending cards, gifts, offering to come and help. You all have busy lives and you still have taken a huge timeout of them for Nate and Myself. Thank you!! And of course Bekah, I won’t get into details because it would take up entirely another blog post, but Bekah, Nate’s sister packed up her car and her dog in Seattle and has temporarily moved back home to help us out. She has put her entire life on hold. It is a shame I am not in the capacity to hang out, Bekah and Jodi style, but just you being here is enough and I thank you too! Lastly, Mom and Dad. Your endless generosity, selflessness and love does not go unnoticed. You two are my biggest cheer leaders. I don’t know how you guys find the energy to accomplish everything you do for me let alone what you do for all four of your kids. You are great parents and we are so fortunate to have you both by our side. Nate and I thank you; we love all of you and we would be no where, nothing with out your love.