Last Chemo

Heading into my last chemo and you would think that this would be the easiest. After all, we are pro’s at this now. Wake-up, drive in town, see the vampires for a blood draw and an IV put in. Then, upstairs, meet with the good old doctor then onto the nurses, get hooked up to an IV.  Next is chemo cocktail time and then go home. Easy right?! Nope, not today. My initial instinct was to run, blow this appointment off all together. Why do I need to go?  I don’t feel sick, according to everyone I don’t look sick. I am totally over this whole cancer thing and all about this pregnancy thing. I got an extra week off so I would feel good for my shower, which was wonderful by the way. And having that extra time off it seemed really easy to slip back into normal. Knowing that it’s all about to change, even though it is the last chemo time doesn’t make it any easier.  Ugh, like seriously, why can’t I just be left alone. 

And then… then you throw my little baby into the thought. This sweet precious little creature that makes my belly distort in weird ways and keeps me in the bathroom most of the time is my biggest concern. This little thing that I haven’t even met yet already means so much to me. We have made it so far. It’s started that we couldn’t make it past 8 or 9 weeks and now, we have 8 weeks left till the baby gets here!!! The final count down is on and I don’t want to do anything to mess up these last weeks. The maternal instinct to sacrifice yourself to save the baby just is natural path for this momma to follow down. This may also be my only chance moving forward to have a baby. I can’t take any chances. 

Unfortunately, not matter how bad I was to skip out on this last chemo and pretend nothing is wrong, the fact is that I do have cancer and it does need to be taken care of.  I need to be here 10, 20, 30+ years from now to watch my baby grow! I need to send him or her off to school, watch them get married and then spoil grandkids of my own. 

So, here I am, all hooked up and ready to go. I guess today instead of taking it one day at a time we are taking it 1 hour at time and just making it through the day.