Last Chemo

Heading into my last chemo and you would think that this would be the easiest. After all, we are pro’s at this now. Wake-up, drive in town, see the vampires for a blood draw and an IV put in. Then, upstairs, meet with the good old doctor then onto the nurses, get hooked up to an IV.  Next is chemo cocktail time and then go home. Easy right?! Nope, not today. My initial instinct was to run, blow this appointment off all together. Why do I need to go?  I don’t feel sick, according to everyone I don’t look sick. I am totally over this whole cancer thing and all about this pregnancy thing. I got an extra week off so I would feel good for my shower, which was wonderful by the way. And having that extra time off it seemed really easy to slip back into normal. Knowing that it’s all about to change, even though it is the last chemo time doesn’t make it any easier.  Ugh, like seriously, why can’t I just be left alone. 

And then… then you throw my little baby into the thought. This sweet precious little creature that makes my belly distort in weird ways and keeps me in the bathroom most of the time is my biggest concern. This little thing that I haven’t even met yet already means so much to me. We have made it so far. It’s started that we couldn’t make it past 8 or 9 weeks and now, we have 8 weeks left till the baby gets here!!! The final count down is on and I don’t want to do anything to mess up these last weeks. The maternal instinct to sacrifice yourself to save the baby just is natural path for this momma to follow down. This may also be my only chance moving forward to have a baby. I can’t take any chances. 

Unfortunately, not matter how bad I was to skip out on this last chemo and pretend nothing is wrong, the fact is that I do have cancer and it does need to be taken care of.  I need to be here 10, 20, 30+ years from now to watch my baby grow! I need to send him or her off to school, watch them get married and then spoil grandkids of my own. 

So, here I am, all hooked up and ready to go. I guess today instead of taking it one day at a time we are taking it 1 hour at time and just making it through the day. 

  

13 thoughts on “Last Chemo

  1. Jodi you are truly a strong, loving , courageous & inspirational woman. You will make a fabulous mommy. I admire your strength. Prayers for you and your little baby, always.

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  2. Just reading this whole article and my eyes are dripping with tears . Your such a courageous strong woman . God bless you and your little cherub who soon you will be able to hold so tightly to you . Best wishes and health . Motherhood is they most precious life style to experience and I so happy your able too.
    Stay strong and enjoy your journey as a Momma .
    Melissa Snow

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  3. Such a tough journey but you are amazing and strong ~ an inspiration for so many. God bless and hang tough ~ can’t wait to see pictures of the baby when he/she arrives.

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  4. Jodi- I can not even begin to imagine the emotions you must be going through- what I do know is that your spirit and your amazing network of family and friends will help you get to where you need to be to deliver a happy and healthy baby- and allow you to thoroughly enjoy every waking moment you have with this child once it is born. Your journey I know isn’t over- but knowing you have built this wonderful, joyous, and ever so special life inside of you obviously keeps you going in some way. I am sending hugs and hopeful thoughts to you and your husband every minute of every day- xoxox- Meri

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  5. Hey lady! Just thought you should know that prayers are heading your way all the way from Georgia!! You’ve been on my church’s prayer list since I found out about this pesky cancer. I’m so proud to call you my friend and can’t wait until the day you are cancer free!! Love you, friend! – Kristy

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  6. Hi Jodi,
    I love reading your blog, as it reminds me of my time in those shoes. Strangely, they are profoundly fond memories, too. It’s hard to describe my love for my daughter (now 6) that I had while battling cancer…because it’s just so strong. I know all mothers love their children and would do anything for them, but when you go through something like I went through, and you are going through now, it’s an incredible experience. You are battling through this together, and that changes you forever and creates a bond that is extraordinary. You are going love that baby the way you’ve never loved anything in your life. Wishing you peace, calmness and clarity as you prepare for your baby’s arrival. God bless all of you.

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