Sweet Baby, Sour Cancer

My journey through cancer and pregnancy, twice.

* this post was written with a large amount of pain meds on board. 

My grandmother Honey had a tradition where she would take anybody in the family out to Ohio every year. The main purpose of the trip was to visit where she had laid both her parents to rest. All of us cousins were happy to visit the grave and pay our respects, but the highlight of our trip was going to Cedar Point. Cedar Point is  one of the biggest amusement parks with the most record breaking roller coasters in the entire world.  I love roller coasters and this place is da bomb! Literally has some of the scariest roller coasters I’ve ever been on. My cousin Sara would always make fun of me while we were waiting in line  because I had what she would call “roller coaster face”. Apparently this is the face make when I am nervous.  I denied it and played it totally cool and pretended like I wasn’t the least bit afraid  to go on the coaster. But inside I was shaking and totally apprehensive . We would make it through the line as tension was building up inside of me. Now we  are strapped into seat, my palms are sweaty & my heart is pounding by this point. Up that first incline to reach the topitty top, I am almost ready to pass out with anxiety and fear at this point … Next thing I know we are flying down the huge drop. My hands go up over my head all that nervousness, fear and anxiety (roller coaster face) goes away! Weeee, this is so much fun! 
My cousin Sara asked me yesterday before the surgery if I had roller coaster face. As much as I would of liked to pretend I didn’t, I really did. I really did. 

I arrived at Faulknet Hospital at 11am. It was a quiet and tearful ride to the hospital. But my biggest complaint was how hungry I was. I remember sitting in the waiting area smelling everybody’s coffee and thinking how I wanted one so bad. I asked myself if this was some kind of torture? As if having a Mesectomy wasn’t bad  enough I now am being assaulted by food smells. There should be a sign that says eat in front of surgical patients at own risk- I knew I was so close for real about to jump somebody for their food.  Lucky for them I was called just in time to go my pod where I would get prepped for surgery. I was told to undress and put on a Johnny. As I am undressing with sweaty palms and a racing heart.  I look down and see my girls out. They are pretty I thought. And it quickly became real that it’s happening and it’s happening now. I started cry and climbed in bed. As I am sniffling away I hear a knock and a mans voice saying “it’s Matt, may I come in?”. I was like, “who the heck is Matt”. I figured it was somebody taking care of me so said yes. The curtains open and the tears stop, my heart melts. It was him!!! My plastic surgeon, Who now I guess, we are on a first name basis😍. As the good doctor he is we chatted, asked me to pull my gown down and he drew on my boob. I was all smiles now. He promised to me (as wiped the tears from my eyes- , and kissed me gently on my four head ya right, in my dreams  JK, I had to add that in) but he did promise that he and his team would take very good care of me, We held, I mean shook hands, (That I will never wash again) and said I will see you in a little bit and left the room. I got settled in some more with IV’s,pre-op meds. Next came the blue party hat which means two things 1. Versed! Party cocktail!!!! My all time favorite drug . Pretty sad I’ve had so many surgeries that I know with the drug is and how much I like it😬😬😬 makes you so warm  you melt right into the gernie. 2. it’s time to  leave for the OR.

 I kissed my husband and they started wheeling me in.  The nurse asked me if I was relaxed and rather than smiling at her, tears slid down the corners of my eyes.  My breast, which had gotten me attention, had gotten me boyfriends and a husband, which had fed my sweet baby Cora and her favorite place to snuggled and which I’d hoped to rest my grandchildren’s little heads against – one of them was going to be gone. I’ll never be the same.   As I go up that first inciline of my own Cancer Coaster, I wiped my eyes and then….darkness. 

Clearly this picture was raked after the versed. 




2 thoughts on “Roller coaster face

  1. Maryam says:

    Jodi I can’t even express how much I admire your courage, your tenacity, your raw humanity, your humbleness, your love and light heartening humor. You are truly an inspiration to others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwww thank youMaryam. It’s great to hear your enjoying my blog.


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