On March 28, exactly 4 years ago today I was told the dreadful words “I’m sorry, it’s cancer”. F¥%#!!!! I remember everything about that day so clearly. The weather, where I was, what I had on and what I was doing. I was 16 weeks pregnant with Cora and terrified about my fragile pregnancy. I hung up the phone and as tears filled my eyes I knew my life would never be the same. I had no idea the challenges that we were about to face, head on. Fast forward 4 years to now and I am sorry to say after sharing such wonderful news that I am pregnant a few days ago, just like last time I am following up with some not so good news and that we about to face some of the same challenges. Today, Nate and I are headed back to my home away from home, Dana Farber to make a plan to cure my cancer just as we did 4 years ago. And again, just like before, I am 18 weeks pregnant this time around too!
Jaw drop, no words, silence………. Right?!?!! I need to insert a GIF or a meme here. I should have you all comment with one below…. ha! Now, pick your self up off the ground, shake off the shock and continue reading…. next comes… OMG, holy shit, fuck no, No way, I’m soooo sorry…. just a few of the reactions I have received so far from the few people who know what’s happening. Most don’t know what to say and ya know what … I don’t know what to say either. We are stunned, bug eyed, dismayed, floored as well. It doesn’t seem real At. All. or like this actually could be happening AGAIN. I have to tell myself multiple times this is real, this is happening now. And I am telling you guys, it is real people, so buckle up… we going for another ride on the cancer merry go round. Who wins this at this kind of crappy cancer lottery? HA, I guess me! I don’t even know how we got here again. I went in to see my OB for a simple complaint and came home that night thinking “Crap, they think I have have cancer again. No way! I’m fine. I feel great. I’m pregnant. No way this could happen again.” Less than a week later, after a few tests, a biopsy, my worst fear has come true. I have cancer again. What the heck?!?!!! So what do we do next??
We make it simple… we go by the standard rule to take it one day at a time. So, for today we are asking for prayer. Lots of prayer… today we find out if the cancer has spread or if it is contained in my lymph nodes. One is curable and one is not. Today we make a plan to kick cancer ass once again. If your not a person who prays, I ask that just today you say one. Please, pray for me, pray for my husband who is just as important in all of this, he is what I call a silent survivor and can be easily overlooked but a much needed and valued key player. We all love Natey! And please, most of all please pray for my sweet, sweet babies. Pray that this sour thing called cancer goes away. Pray that their Mom gets to live a long life and raise them to be wonderful God loving humans and I get to watch them grow and do good in this world. That I get love them, kiss their boo-boos and guide them through their teenage years (Lord help me), watch them grow into their own families and have grand babies of my own. AMEN!
I never would have made it through my last fight with cancer with out the support of prayer. I literally had thousands of people praying for me all over the world and I felt it. And it helped. We went through sooo much in the past 4 years that would break people down, tear families apart and put people away in looney bins. I truly believe because of prayer and the power it has we made it through and by the grace of God came out stronger. And we will make it through again. So today is game day… let’s start now, together.