Sweet Baby, Sour Cancer

My journey through cancer and pregnancy, twice.

I finally have an appointment with the plastic surgeon. We meet Monday to discuss the grim future of my ta ta’s. I am not 100% sure they will be replaced by a newer, younger, perkier pair but we will see what the surgeon has to say and make a final decision from there. Most likely surgery will be in January. 

Ok Cancer, I don’t know why your STILL kicking around in my boobie but it’s time to get rid of you once and for all!

Yup! My pathology came back and my margins still have disease! Which means, yet another surgery. Now,  I think it’s time to say goodbye to my right breast. Sayonara!

It has served me well. You figure boobs have 2 jobs. 1. Attract and reel in a good husband with them… Check!… and 2. More importantly to feed a baby. Which I did by the way, get to feed Coraline with both for the first four weeks before I had to stop and let them dry up like the Saharah  for surgery (cancer you suck, messing up my plans yet once again) The cancer side did pretty good keeping up with healthy boob. I was surprised, but never the less that had to come to a heartbreaking end and now we are onto formula. Which by the way you would think that stuff is made out of caviar and should be served in a silver bottle. The cost of a can and how quickly it dissapears is both ridiculous and mind boggling. It’s the baby formula that will put us in debt, never mind the hospital bills!

So where are we at? In the past 6 months I have had 3 breast surgeries, 1 c- section, 1 baby, 4 rounds of chemo and a partridge in a pear tree that still has flippin cancer!!! My head is spinning. How did I do all that to now, still feel like I am right back at square one. It’s scary to think this toxic disease has been in my body for well over a year now! The old saying “always follow your gut” keeps popping up in my head. I originally wanted a radical mastectomy with my first surgery but opted for the less invasive lumpectomy. Little did I know I was in for the “non- radical” or slow mastectomy that happens over time, where they remove piece. by piece,  by piece,  by piece. I now wish I followed my gut. But, I made the right decision for me and my pregnant body at that time.

Next up is –  I have to meet with the plastic surgeon, hopefully next week and we shall see what kind of  new boob or boobs they can build me.

But for now, let’s celebrate the ta-ta’s… All the twin ladies out there-  Shake em, let them hang(high or low), give them a squeeze, love them, cause you just never know when you have to say goodbye. I never thought this would be me, but I always thought if it was, this would be easy to do… not so much.

Wow! It’s been a long time since I have posted anything! And of course we all know why- I have been soaking up every single second of being a new mom to my sweet little baby girl. Looks like all those old wives tales and theories I tried and wrote about in a previous post proved true for me. It was a girl! 

Cora was born on Sept 10th and the past 2 months have been exceptional! I have so much to write about and couldn’t possibly fit it into all one blog post. Lots of people have been asking when I am going to start writing again. My plan is to start  while I am in sunny Florida next week recovering from hopefully my last surgery- thank you for the push Meri Duffy! 

I have tons of half written blogs that I will finish and post- but I make no promises! I am pretty tired right now and I have to prioritize what gets done everyday. Unfortunately my blog has had to go on the back burner till I gain more steam and speed. I am also writing this blog on my phone making the typing pretty slow- a lap top would be much easier but can you believe we don’t own one. I always had one through work but since I haven’t been able to work-  no lap top for me. Oh well, I will make due with what I have as I always do. 

So hopefully you will be hearing from me in sunny Florida!  

  
    

On Sept 10 at 3:39 in the afternoon, Coraline Helen Killeffer was born. She was 7.14lbs and 19 3/4″ long. After a long,  very slow progressing labor we got the hint that Cora had no intentions on coming into this world naturally. After laboring for 2 days and not getting very far, a c- section was necessary.  Of course it was the last thing I wanted… Ugh, yet another surgery, but I was exaughsted and knew that a natural birth was just not happening at this point. Once in the O.R. it was discovered that Cora was stuck in my pelvis and there was no way she would have made it out via my mamma part. Having a section was the right choice and my womanly parts would be spared from the toll of birth. 

I guess she was wedged in there pretty good too! I do remember the doctor asking for a stool to climb on top of me on the operating table to pull little Cora out. Other than that I only remember bits and pieces but I guess it got a little “exciting” in there at one point. I was totally snowed and oblivious to what was happening but Nate got to witness it all. He does admit to thinking he might loose both Cora and myself at one point, but he says it was a brief moment and the doctors took great care of us. 

Cora was pretty stunned at birth ( I would be too if I was being yanked out of a nice warm sac by my arms) and I was told she was a few shades of gray instead of nice pink😬. She required a bit of resuscitation but perked up right after and was/is completely fine. I ended up bleeding out on the OR table after she was out due to a “lazy (tired) uterus” but again, the MD’s quickly got everything under control. I was sewn up nice and given a couple units of blood.

Both myself and the baby are just fine, in fact we are perfect. It’s been about a week we have been home and love our new family of 3. Nate and myself make a great team and we are actually getting some sleep inbetween feedings,  poops and lots of baby cuddling.

Enjoy the pics… More to come.  

         

   Well, today is labor day and tomorrow is my due date…guess what? Still no baby. We have tried EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING… I have been on a steady diet of pineapple smoothies, buffalo chicken anything, Chinese food buffet, mexican, a glass of wine, cold beer, then repeat. I have walked up and down my street so many times, I now know all my neighbors and they know everything there is to know about me. Running totally on hormones at this point, I am sure my neighbors got more than an earful and probably know more than they ever wanted to know about me and this baby…ha ha, oh well. Anyways, I have bounced on the yoga ball, laps in the pool, hung myself upside down off the couch, pressure point massage, hubby and I, well, you know…. repeat it all again….and still…. NADA!!!!!!!

Looks like Baby K is not as eager to meet us as we are to meet him/her. This baby surely doesn’t realize its celeb status and that there are literally all of you and so many others all around the world who have been praying for it and waiting for it to make it’s grand appearance into this world.

Due to my miscarriages, I have had it in my head this whole time that I was a poorly suitable host monkey for a baby. I always felt like baby would be safer on the outside sooner than later and was completely ok with delivering early, I wanted to deliver early. I get that baby has to cook, I do! But, when you think there is something wrong with your cooker, that it could malfunction at anytime, and then add surgery, chemo therapy, extra medication, stress…it felt like a recipe for disaster. Looks like I have never been so wrong…this baby has set up shop! It has settled in and is quite comfy in there.  Even now as I write, I can tell baby is very happy, moving all around and is very content inside of me. Guess I am not that bad of a host monkey after all.

Tomorrow is also my birthday. So lets see, we want baby  to be born on its due date, on labor day and on my birthday. What an awful lot of pressure we are putting in this little baby and its not even out yet! It would be the best birthday present ever to get hold this baby on my birthday.  For some reason, I don’t see that happening. In fact I feel like this baby will never come out. I just keep remembering what my father in law said to me… He has never met any woman who was pregnant for ever, the baby has to come out at some point!